I don't believe in reincarnation. I don't believe in any sort of afterlife. I believe when you die, that's it. Oblivion, The End, Game Over; a complete cessation of life and consciousness. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong but there is no way to prove or disprove it whatsoever, and therefore not something I care to argue about really. Be the best person you can be and try not to do any damage that can't be repaired or atoned for.
Hard core Christians scare me. Seriously fucked up humans in my estimation. Able to justify virtually any atrocity in the name of their Invisible Sky-Beard and His Magic Cloud-Based Wonderland.
Their beliefs, when boiled down with a teaspoon of rationality and a pinch of science, are like comic books for the bored and sin-obsessed. And yet they provide some of these folks with a sense of comfort, like a big 'ole invisible security Woobie for what they imagine to be their soul.
The core value tenets for the big-league religions are basically pretty decent guidelines for how you should live your life, minus the whole kill those different from you sort of stuff that seems to surface in all the major ones from time to time.
It always kinda surprises me how many people on Earth are willing to do horrific fucking things because they can justify it in their owns minds through religious beliefs. It is appalling how much slaughter and death has been committed in the name of faith throughout our history, and to this very day.
Turns out that the very best things humans are good at exploiting are, in fact, other humans.
Therefore it is in the ritualization of religion where the problems begin, not so much the fundamental tenets. Symbolism is one thing that is way out of hand in the major religions. Why is there so much incense being burned? It's symbolic of the time when St. Uckl of Blagh cut off his toes to make a fire with when his followers were freezing to death in a place of no trees. His toe bones burned miraculously for a fortnight and his people were saved. Hallelujah!
For example: do you think a God who presumably made the entire universe and everything within it, zillions of planets with trillions of lifeforms, species and cultures, would focus in our one little planet and demand of us such things as:
1) "YOU MUST PRAY TO ME X AMOUNT OF TIMES PER DAY FACING A CERTAIN DIRECTION BECAUSE IT MAKES ME DOUBT YOUR DEVOTION WHEN YOU FAIL TO DO SO."
2) "YOU MUST ATTEND CHURCH ON X DAY OF EVERY WEEK AND REFRAIN FROM EATING CERTAIN ANIMALS WHICH ARE UNBELIEVABLY FUCKING DELICIOUS, YET FORBIDDEN TO YOU ALL THE SAME FOR REASONS THAT ARE NO LONGER RELEVANT.
3) "DON'T KILL ANYONE UNLESS IT SEEMS FROM YOUR LIMITED PERSPECTIVE THAT THEY ARE TRULY EVIL OR AT LEAST SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT FROM YOU.
4) "THERE ARE A NUMBER OF SPECIFIC HEADGEAR REQUIREMENTS ASSOCIATED WITH CERTAIN FAITHS. IF YOU NUMBER AMONG ANY OF THOSE CREEDS, PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU'RE PREPARED TO ADOPT THE APPROVED HEADGEAR REQUIREMENTS FOR A VARIETY OF FAITH BASED OUTCOME TANGENTS."
5) "BREEDING FEELS REALLY, REALLY GOOD. INSANELY GOOD. SERIOUSLY. BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO IT RECREATIONALLY. THAT'S BAD BUT I'M NOT REALLY GONNA SAY WHY. JUST DON'T DO IT."
6) "THE MAJORITY OF YOU ARE GOING TO BE POOR. AND I MEAN THAT IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE, YOU KNOW, LIKE ABJECT POVERTY. DIRT AND FLIES AND LOADS OF STARVATION AND SO FORTH. YOU'RE ALSO GOING TO BE EXPLOITED BY THOSE WITH MORE MONEY THAN YOU, WHICH IS PRACTICALLY EVERYONE.
TRY NOT TO BE BITTER ABOUT IT AND DWELL ON THINGS YOU'LL NEVER POSSESS, IT'LL JUST MAKE YOU UNHAPPY WITH YOUR LOT IN LIFE."
7) "STOP TOUCHING YOURSELF DOWN THERE. IT'S ICKY AND IT CREEPS ME OUT."
8) "WHEN YOU ENCOUNTER SOMEONE WHO HAS DIFFERENT BELIEFS THAN YOU, EXPLAIN TO THEM GENTLY ABOUT HOW THEY ARE WRONG AND HOW THOUSANDS OF YEARS WORTH OF THEIR ANCESTORS WERE WRONG TOO. IF THEY TAKE OFFENSE AND KILL YOU IN SOME ETHNIC WAY, YOU'LL BE A MARTYR AND THAT'S A PRETTY COOL THING TO BE."
IF YOU SHAN'T DO THESE UNREASONABLE THINGS I SHALL BECOME VERY CROSS WITH YOU AND MAY NOT LET YOU IN TO THIS SUPER COOL PLACE I MADE WHERE EVERYTHING IS AWESOME ALL THE TIME."
Do we really even want to worship a deity that acts like this? Petty and demanding like street corner pimp? It's not like we don't have a choice; there's lots o'Gods. us humans have created millions of them since we climbed down from the trees, became afraid of the dark and developed the ability to lie about shit we don't understand and convince others we know what we're talking about.
It's like hypnosis only way easier.
But enough about religion, I could go on for pages about how silly I think it is and not change a single person's mind.
Therefore I'm gonna throw out a few tidbits that have fucking galled me over the past little while.
First and foremost is a situation I should've seen coming from a mile away, but didn't. It goes a bit like this:
- Recently some sort of gastro health issue sidelined one of the club's dedicated Floor Grunts, Cecil, forcing him to undergo a minor surgery that caused him to miss a couple of weeks of work. Being that we're just humble service industry folk, we don't get things like health care or 401k's or profit sharing. We trade those things for the flexibility, nonchalance and forgiving nature the hospitality industry exudes like a nectar that attracts lazy, alcoholic people.
So Cecil's platonic lifemate takes up a collection for Cecil so he can feed his little'uns and pay the mortgage on the farm. Every shift over the next three weeks I toss in a generous amount so his wee babbies won't starve to death or have to shit in the shrubbery.
Anyway, over the course of six shifts I threw in at least $150 if not more because I'm nice like that and I would hope that if our positions were reversed, he and the rest of the lads would do the same for me. After 3 weeks or so, he's back n the job and we're talking about DFS, or Daily Fantasy Sports.
For the uninitiated, DFS are basically legal online sports betting based on you picking the best lineup of athletes who cost you a certain amount out of a fixed budget. For example if you're playing football, you might have a $60,000 budget and a really good player like Tom Brady may cost you $9,400 to put on your team, thus gouging your budget and forcing you to take a few cheap players who are probably going to suck in order to make your budget.
There is definitely specialized knowledge required.
Drafkings and Fanduel are the two biggest ones and they have just announced that they're merging. Joy.
Now that I've educated some of you, back to my conversation with Cecil.
So we were discussing daily fantasy and he told me he had gotten his ass handed to him this past week, none of his lineups had paid off. I totally understood because this happens to me every week. Last year I did the math and was happy to discover that throughout the entire 2015 NFL season, I spent $325 on DFS and won back $327,
This year I'm doing much worse.
So imagine my surprise when I asked Cecil how much he'd blown that week on DFS gambling and he admitted it was roughly $1,000. I gathered that the money that myself and the rest of the floor team and some waitresses had thrown together for him to "pay bills and put food on the table" went to fucking gambling instead.
I just managed not to let him notice my rage seizure and made an excuse to flee before I fucking lost it. That is a scumbag move, man. But wait, dear reader, it gets better...
He has since on several occasions won several thousand dollars but has never once offered to pay back anyone nor do I even remember being thanked for my donations to his family's well being.
And that's all I'm going to say about that.
-There's this song I've had to listen to 63,542 times in my career. I'm not saying it's a complete piece of audio rectal-puke because that might hurt someone's feelings or offend someone. I will say however that if you enjoy this song and that this is all you demand from your music choices, you may be mentally deficient and/or are as easily entertained as a small, simple minded child.
I'm also not saying that if this song was one of your favorites back when it was popular that you should be dragged into the street and subsequently be beaten, humiliated and shot through the head or that if I ever attain power in this land that it might be part of my agenda to do things like this.
But I'm implying it.
Here's the song I'm referring to. I particularly enjoy how the "artist", who is named after a fruit, decided that amongst all the inanity and vulgarity of the song that she would incongruously cram a 'stay in school' message somewhere between titties and fucking.
Way to stay classy.
Suckin' on my titties like you wanted me,
Callin me, all the time like blondie
Check out my chrissy behind
It's fine all of the time
Like sex on the beaches,
What else is in the teaches of peaches? huh? what?
Callin me, all the time like blondie
Check out my chrissy behind
It's fine all of the time
Like sex on the beaches,
What else is in the teaches of peaches? huh? what?
Suckin' on my titties like you wanted me,
Callin me, all the time like blondie
Check out my Chrissy behind
It's fine all of the time
What else is in the teaches of peaches?
Like sex on the beaches. huh? what?
Callin me, all the time like blondie
Check out my Chrissy behind
It's fine all of the time
What else is in the teaches of peaches?
Like sex on the beaches. huh? what?
huh? right. what? uhh.
huh? what? right. uhh.
huh? what? right. uhh.
huh? what? right. uhh.
huh? what? right. uhh.
huh? what? right. uhh.
huh? what? right. uhh.
SIS IUD, stay in school cause it's the best.
IUD SIS, stay in school cause it's the best.
IUD SIS, stay in school cause it's the best.
IUD SIS, stay in school cause it's the best.
IUD SIS, stay in school cause it's the best.
IUD SIS, stay in school cause it's the best.
IUD SIS, stay in school cause it's the best.
Suckin' on my titties like you wanted me,
Callin me, all the time like blondie
Check out my chrissy behind
It's fine all of the time.
What else is in the teaches of peaches?
Like sex on the beaches. huh? what?
Callin me, all the time like blondie
Check out my chrissy behind
It's fine all of the time.
What else is in the teaches of peaches?
Like sex on the beaches. huh? what?
You can't make this shit up. Yet simultaneously, millions of people decided this was good music. And that, folks, is why we're fucked. Don't ever put me in power, people. Seriously, don't vote for me if given the chance to do so, It's almost certain you'll regret it if you do. Within the privacy of my skull I am.....not a nice person.
Read the Dark Lord's Journal*1, it's about to become socially relevant.
-The StripperHerder
*1 http://darklordsjournal.blogspot.com/
