Wow. Just wow.
There's a girl at the new club I work at whose platinum blond weave looks like it leads an independent life of its own when she's sleeping. Like a mink stole that's alive, but concedes to playing dead for hours at a time in exchange for eating a small amount of the host's soul every day.
Koko trots out her favorite mount Rhianna for some fun at the beach.
It looks so ridiculous that I find myself making up TV shows that feature it.
Some of my favorites are:
Weaves Gone Wild: An uncensored look at the disturbing genitals of drunken Weaves on vacation.
Weave The People: A period piece about the pivotal role of early American Weaves in the fledgling United States judicial system.
George And Weavy: A spin off of the popular The Jeffersons series that centers around George (Sherman Hemsley) after his divorce from Weezy (Isabel Sanford) and his new marriage to a Weave from Long Island named Princess.
America's Next Top Weave: A grueling contest to find the next hot style, featuring Weaves from all the major star systems.
Have Weave, Will Travel: The compelling tale of a lone Gunweave making her way across the Old West, dispensing justice with six barrels and a steed named Taqueesha.
Weave Vs. Wild: Former Special Forces Weave, Mercedes Rydaho, goes into the most extreme environments on the planet armed with only some hairpins, a razor blade and hell of a glossy sheen.
Weave's Company: A hilarious look at the lives of three working class Weaves after the clubs close.
W*E*A*V*E: A sometimes funny and always touching show about the often overlooked contributions of Weaves in the Korean War.
I got a million of em...
Its like the subject of a Stephen King short story. An race of extraterrestrial parasites that look like a pile of thick, glorious hair use beautiful black women to ultimately enslave the human race. The Weaves offer 10 amazing years of constant party in exchange for the host's life.
And SO MANY accept....
"And when he said VIP fo life, I assepted memediatley and ordered me some Cristal, bitches!"
The Weaves sometimes go out when the host is sleeping. They crave fried foods whose oily residues they roll in to keep their unearthly luster. Occasionally a host makes a stand against their Weave having a night out. I envision the conversation going something like this:
Weave- "I'm goin out bitch! There better be some hot wings waitin for me when I gets home!"
Host- "You aint't goin out agians tonight! You was out last night! Its you turn to watch da Babee!"
Weave- "Ho, I cain't believe you gots da temurrity to talk at me like dat! I will smack dat sass right on outta you!"
Host- "Mothefakka! You gets back on yo plastic head and shut da fuck up! I's goin out wit m'girls!"
Weave- " Bitch you is tryin my patience! Quit triflin or I put you in yo place!"
Host- "Bring it Mothefak....[muffled slaps and the sound of a body falling]...[sounds of pain]...you fuck....."
Weave- "I didn't want to do dat bitch, but I don't take no lip from no ho! You just lay there and bleed and think on what you done! Remember da mothafakkin hot wings!"
Maybe that's an unrealistic view of the host/symbiote relationship, but I always picture the Weave being the parasite and the poor, unfortunate dancer being the host organism.
And that's all I have to say about that.*
-Das StrieberHebber
*But don't take my word for it. Take a look at these shocking and unadulterated photos of Weaves living among us:
There's a girl at the new club I work at whose platinum blond weave looks like it leads an independent life of its own when she's sleeping. Like a mink stole that's alive, but concedes to playing dead for hours at a time in exchange for eating a small amount of the host's soul every day.
It looks so ridiculous that I find myself making up TV shows that feature it.
Some of my favorites are:
Weaves Gone Wild: An uncensored look at the disturbing genitals of drunken Weaves on vacation.
Weave The People: A period piece about the pivotal role of early American Weaves in the fledgling United States judicial system.
George And Weavy: A spin off of the popular The Jeffersons series that centers around George (Sherman Hemsley) after his divorce from Weezy (Isabel Sanford) and his new marriage to a Weave from Long Island named Princess.
America's Next Top Weave: A grueling contest to find the next hot style, featuring Weaves from all the major star systems.
Have Weave, Will Travel: The compelling tale of a lone Gunweave making her way across the Old West, dispensing justice with six barrels and a steed named Taqueesha.
Weave Vs. Wild: Former Special Forces Weave, Mercedes Rydaho, goes into the most extreme environments on the planet armed with only some hairpins, a razor blade and hell of a glossy sheen.
Weave's Company: A hilarious look at the lives of three working class Weaves after the clubs close.
W*E*A*V*E: A sometimes funny and always touching show about the often overlooked contributions of Weaves in the Korean War.
I got a million of em...
Its like the subject of a Stephen King short story. An race of extraterrestrial parasites that look like a pile of thick, glorious hair use beautiful black women to ultimately enslave the human race. The Weaves offer 10 amazing years of constant party in exchange for the host's life.
And SO MANY accept....
The Weaves sometimes go out when the host is sleeping. They crave fried foods whose oily residues they roll in to keep their unearthly luster. Occasionally a host makes a stand against their Weave having a night out. I envision the conversation going something like this:
Weave- "I'm goin out bitch! There better be some hot wings waitin for me when I gets home!"
Host- "You aint't goin out agians tonight! You was out last night! Its you turn to watch da Babee!"
Weave- "Ho, I cain't believe you gots da temurrity to talk at me like dat! I will smack dat sass right on outta you!"
Host- "Mothefakka! You gets back on yo plastic head and shut da fuck up! I's goin out wit m'girls!"
Weave- " Bitch you is tryin my patience! Quit triflin or I put you in yo place!"
Host- "Bring it Mothefak....[muffled slaps and the sound of a body falling]...[sounds of pain]...you fuck....."
Weave- "I didn't want to do dat bitch, but I don't take no lip from no ho! You just lay there and bleed and think on what you done! Remember da mothafakkin hot wings!"
Maybe that's an unrealistic view of the host/symbiote relationship, but I always picture the Weave being the parasite and the poor, unfortunate dancer being the host organism.
And that's all I have to say about that.*
-Das StrieberHebber
*But don't take my word for it. Take a look at these shocking and unadulterated photos of Weaves living among us:
