I believe I've alluded to the fact that most of my great nights in this industry, money-wise, were all slow nights where some high rolling generous tipper comes into the club and spends stupid amounts of money. Not where we're slammed and packed and everyone's a cunt.
Tonight was such a treasured slow night.
And thank fucking God.
Us Floor Scum walked with almost $1400 each tonight, on a night where I projected my earnings at maybe $100-150, based on the room and its inhabitants. This makes my Top Ten list of best nights ever, and as usual, it came out of left field.
One guy. One guy made our night, as is the formula for all the best nights in my career. This guy bought 4 one hour rooms back to back and tipped $1000 on each room. We started the night with four Floor Grunts, but Joker went home early due to illness, which mean that we only had to split all that money three ways instead of four. Had joker been there we still would've made over a grand each, but since he left, we fucking BANKED.
As a result, I made about $169 an hour tonight. Couldn't be happier.
And to think I was considering calling off tonight....
I suppose this means that the dark cloud of fuckiness that used to hang over my head is now gone and that I can confidently call off a shift and not be worried that if I would've stayed I'd a made $1000.
That particular torch has been passed it would seem.
CURSED STRIPPER NAMES
Of the 62 approved stripper names in the titty dancer lexicon, several bear a heavy curse. This can be the only conclusion when every single one of the dancers I've worked with who has chosen one of these names turns out to be a giant pat of staggering thong-butter. Nothing else makes sense.
That being said, there are stripper stage-names so common that it's impossible to draw a conclusion because I've worked with so goddamn many of them that there were bound, by simple math, to be good ones and bad ones. These stripper names include: Bitttney, Amber, Tiffany, Alexis, Crystal, Angel, and Paradox.
But some gals choose names that carry a curse it would seem. Maybe they're decent strippers before they opt to take one of these accursed handles, but afterwards, they're garbage.
So you can be aware, respected reader, here's a list of CURSED STRIPPER NAMES. Never get a dance from one of them or somehow you'll owe them two hundred dollars for virtually nothing.
1) Brooklyn- In my experience that has never been a dancer named "Brooklyn" that was anything other than an animated piece of trash with tits. If a stripper by this name ever approaches you for a dance, just tell her that you're a broke, meth-head who has AIDS but would like to talk to her about Jesus and see how fast she goes away.
2) Jetta- You named yourself after a Volkswagen. Nice job. I've worked with three twats in my career named 'Jetta' and they were all conniving thieves with a nasty drug habit.
3) McKenzie- Says 'I'm slightly more imaginative than you standard gutter-dwelling thong-snipe, yet I still live in a world of delusion and imminent regret.' Every chick I've worked with named McKenzie has been a dull, haggard and alcoholic white bitch living in a world of fantasy.
4) Lexus- Fluff. Innane. Meaningless. Attractive only through cosmetics and plastic surgery. ALWAYS has fake tits, if that's your thing.
5) Kat- Every single stripper named "Kat" or "Cat" or "Kayatt" or any other spelling that is pronounce c-a-t, is a junkie. They would pimp their own offspring for an armful of junk and won't even remember doing it. They're not bad people,they're just junkies. It's not their fault. Nothing is ever anyone's fault anymore.
Here's bit extra for you Herderheads that you may or may not know.
I've been "Wookin Pa Nub" in all the wrong places, namely, at work. For those of you confused by this statement, it means that lately I've made some poor decisions about dating my boobied coworkers, with hilarious results.
If you don't know what "Wookin Pa Nub" means, it's because you're too young to remember when Eddie Murphy was funny. Shame on you.
I've made the mistake of asking a couple of girls from work out recently. This has proven to be idiotic and poorly thought out. It didn't go well is what I'm implying.
In fact it's downright embarrassing. I don't know what I was thinking. Apparently my recent weight loss has reignited fires I thought I'd stamped out and I fell for what ultimately falls under 'stripper bullshit'.
Like a customer. Like a bachelor party attendee. Like a fucking moron.
The rules are in place for a reason. I ignored that at my own peril/discomfort. I reaped the rewards.
I guess I'm just not that variety of Floor Creep to pull lots of tail from the pit. I'd rather make money and not have illegitimate children I'm forced to pay for. Call that a win any day...
Tanks for reedin,