Here's the deal, despite the title I make no promises or binding agreements about the actual or theoretical content of the following post be it in regards to titties or any other subject matter mentioned in the title or forthwith.
That's actual lawyer talk, I looked it up on a website so it's 100% true and legitimate.
What I will state, in a Glass-Half-Empty sorta way, is that I wish things would go all Mad Max, preferably minus all the bondage and fetish gear if possible. If not, whatever. It's the end of civilization and there's no dress code like there would be in a civilized place. So wear what you want as long as there's some built-in weaponry with which you can kill people for their gasoline.
Because that seems to be the point at first.
Although arguments could be made that in this iteration, toilet paper will be the resource that ultimately breaks our society, I choose to put my faith in vodka and ammunition as my source of future wealth (both of which are Armageddon-Proof) And while I believe that this may be gospel, I'm preparing to wipe my ass with smooth rocks or ruined socks, while not having to resort to pistol-whipping a resource plunderer because I chose a clean ass over lethal self defense rounds.
Water will somehow become important later, don't worry about it as long as those V-8's are being fed and mohawk'ed road bushwhackers are being bested and shot fulla buckshot, arrows and cleverly launched tire irons.
Remember your "Pretending It's NOT the End of Society" Road Agent Training:
1) It is perfectly okay to waste 3 gallons of high test fuel by firing up your Blower to outrun Wasteland Twats for ten miles so you can harvest thirteen ounces of crappy 82 octane fuel leaking from a wreck by catching it in a filthy, dust streaked salad bowl. It makes perfect sense.
2) Weapons are everything, so load as many of them onto your person as you can effectively move under the weight of. Don't deny yourself any weapon system based on your probable ability to lug it around. Fuck it. If you can cram it into your V-8 Interceptor and effectively use it, it's worth the fuel cost.
Remember, this is the shattered remains of civilization. It is Post cellphone, Post social media and Post instant communication. Ergo, if no one's around to record something happening otherwise, then as a Remnant Road Authority of whatever questionable gubbamint is left, whatever you say happened becomes fact by the simple expedient of everyone else involved was either slagged in a high speed motorway accident or failed to cut through a limb before a perfectly explainable vehicle explosion took place.
They're all polygamist methheads anyway.
3) Methhead Road Cunts will always veer off when faced with an insane, sunglasses and glove wearing broken spirited cop whose family is dead by other, unaffiliated Methhead Road Cunts, most of whom rode motorcycles.
Which is idiotic in a vast-open-space scenario with range weapons.
But you can't stop them from doing it. Until you shoot them, that is.
Which is super easy. They're just....really easy to hit and take down.
4) Don't trust children. Listen, the Apocalypse happened and we've moved on a bit. But there's tons of orphans of this circumstance who've gone feral and plenty more who will eventually join one wild pack or another as a matter of survival. This is one of two eventualities when parentless children are left unfed for prolonged periods of time. They either perish or join cult-like bands of other idiot kid survivor groups, each with it's own religion based on nonsense.
Trust me when I say their social support network is MUCH deeper than yours and and when all hope is lost, my money is on them to come out on top.
5) When you run out of resources because what passed for government has finally collapsed, it's 100% OK to take whatever gasoline, tires, blower parts, air filters, teeth or any other resource you can scavenge from any other vehicle on the road that may happen to look bodged together or has anyone with goggles in it. Goggles are illegal. So are any other vehicles without a valid safety sticker.
The manual says DO NOT run them off the road. PURSUE them until they crash and assist them if given a chance.
Assist them doing what is open to interpretation based on the wording. It's taken as a given the the good folks of a post-nuclear-exchange law enforcement jurisdiction would never go all Road Pirate and wreck cars for fun and profit. It's unthinkable.
Fuck. That's all I have to say for now. What can I say, I'm out of practice.
Still got the shitty, abrupt ending down pat though.
Some things you can't unlearn.
Your Future Twerk Rancher,
-Unky Herdy!
