In every strip club with more than 2 bouncers, the will be All Stars and Bench Players, an "A" team and a "B" team if you will. I myself am a career 'B" teamer but have been called up on occasion to play with the 'A' team when there was an injury on the field or someone was too busy getting head to do his job.
Seniority only gets you so far in this industry. Your perceived worth, much like sports stars, is much more important. Since I have opted to take a low earning niche position among my Floor Community (Bus Management Operative) to limit my contact with drunken shitholes, my value among the Floor Team is pretty low.
That being established, I have far more value to the club itself than to my fellow Floor Hosts. My qualities/skills I bring to the club which set me apart to my brethren include:
1) My advanced degree in Broom Theory which enables me to sweep up the detritus of nights gone by without being ordered to do so. The Guild of Floor Guys teaches it's adherents that sweeping is below one's station and should be handled by the Lesser Orders, such as Bar Backs, Waitresses and Management.
I have always been a heretic to this ideology.
2) I can cook my ass off. I have saved our kitchen from calls offs and walk outs at least a dozen times over the past year, frequently for a loss of pay and on my goddamn days off. I do this because our continuing policy of hiring car-less part time criminals leads to many a kitchen SNAFU's.
In fact I allowed myself to be talked into being a Kitchen Manager for about 2 weeks, because I am a fucking moron. Pesky work ethic and whatnot. Every seemingly normal, experienced hire I made turned out to be a shitcake degenerate, incapable of following through on even the gentlest of schedules.
After my first hire missed his third ever shift and called in arrested on his fifth and my second hire proved unable to handle criticism without getting all pouty and dickish, I fucking resigned. I'll do it myself.
3) I'm on time, all the time. Apparently this is a virtual Superpower in this industry and I am nearly uncontested in my mastery of it. (see below) #timemanagementblackbelt
4) I have quaint, institutionalized ideas about security and the safety of our employees. Things like not being walking targets in our parking lot and meeting potential threats with overwhelming force, just like da cops.
I've harped on the lax practices of our Floor Thugs before. This is the weakest cohesive team I've ever worked with security-wise and I hate to say it but our security needs a conduct class from some former Mossad operatives on how not to be future victims.
Classic example, one of our Floor Dudes was escorting a customer out of the club. The guy had been a choad-goblin to one of our dancers and then put his hands on her. The Floor Host in question made the cardinal fuck up of security folk everywhere.
He didn't call for backup, leaving himself one on one with the offending cuntdrip. Long story short, the dude sucker punched our solo Floor Man in the chin and opened him up. Didn't knock him out like the douchebag was hoping, but still made him bleed all over the place.
Now I'm not saying that wouldn't have happened if there would've been 2 or 3 or 4 Floor Trolls facing him, like there should've been, but I am saying that it would have been far less likely to happen and that the motherfucker would've paid for his mistake.
5) I am bigger than all of them. I'm not the toughest guy in the world, but when it comes to hefting drunks and carrying them bodily out of the club, I are very good at this.
Anal Craniotomys: Come Into The Light, Management
Our misManagement team has some problems dealing with several issues that plague our club. First and foremost among these are their inability to set any sort of precedent concerning discipline in the workplace. Just because the entire industry is filled with lazy drunks doesn't mean that you can't establish some minimal facade of professionalism.
Like being late. I was at work the other day and we had 2 Floor Slobs and 2 Waytrezzes scheduled to be on shift by 6:30. Of the four, I was the only one at work on time, the rest all showed up between 7:00 and 7:15. this meant that I had to do all of their jobs until they could be bothered to show up.
And then when the first Waytrezz showed up, she immediately headed to a back table and started working on homework. She didn't even check around and scout her area beforehand on the off chance there was something that fell under her job description that she should be doing instead of homework. There was a plate of half eaten pasta that had been sitting on a table since I walked in at 6:25 and it remained there until sometime around 8:00 when one of the Tray Sloths finally noticed it and brought it back to the dishwasher.
The tardiness factor here is, in my opinion, out of control. Getting to work on time, barring unforeseen circumstances, isn't like performing brain surgery. It shouldn't require meticulous planning or the right set of odd coincidences to come together at the right time. It is something that even marginally intelligent people should be able to pull off at least 4 times out of 5.
But if there's no repercussions at this job like there are in real world occupations, then there's no incentive to change. For instance, I used to work at a factory that had strict tardiness and attendance standards. If you were even a minute late without a pretty fucking great excuse, it counted against you. First time in a 6 month period got you a verbal warning, second got you a written warning and the third you were out on your laggard ass.
If those standards applied to my current work, there'd be coyotes roaming the deserted floor.
Another problem for our fearless leaders is some of our bar staff, who have no qualms about selling customers a bucket of 5 beers within 5 minutes of when, by state law, we have to pull their drinks out of their hand. We purposely do last call at 2:40, knowing state law says by 3 AM, all booze has to be off the floor and out of customers hands.
Author's Note: Many people operate under the assumption that if you purchased the drinks before the state deadline, then you are allowed to finish your drinks because they were bought before the cut off.
This is untrue, at least in the states I've worked in (4). If we can't sell it past a certain time, you fucking well can't have it on you past that time. If you're going to drink in another town and don't have a native guide, take a moment to brush up on their basic liquor laws-it can save you some disappointment/alcoholic rage later on.
I frequently get to hear customers bitching about this when I'm shuttling them to their hotels at the end of the night. Not two weeks ago I had these two dudes that were served a bucket of beer (5) at around 2:53. Now even assuming they were up to drinking two and a half beers each in 6 minutes, which I doubt, does that sound like something a conscientious bartender should do?
This leads to much strife as our Floor and Wait staff have to snatch drinks that never should've been sold in the first place. Some folk get kinda shitty and with good reason. Others are more laid back about it and with that in mind, I smell a list coming on.
Do's and Don'ts in a strip club that's getting ready to close:
DO: Actually try to listen to what the DJ is saying when bar close looms on the horizon. His words are usually laden with useful information at this time of night. Things like when you can purchase one last drink and how long you have to finish said drink before the staff has to remove all liquor and glassware from the club floor.
DON'T: Assume that you know the state's liquor laws unless you live here, and if you do, make sure you're right because we know them very well.
DO: Be respectful of those just doing their jobs. If it were up to me you'd be able to drink 24/7 and I could give a shit less whether you had a drink in your hand at closing or not. However this is not up to me, the powers that be have made rules and they enjoy fining clubs that don't comply.
DON'T: Firmly believe in your heart that it's OK to hang around after closing because you sorta know one of the dancers or waitresses. We don't give a fuck who you think you know, get out.
That's all I'm writing for now, screw the pictures. I have a Dark Lord's Journal post that needs attention too.
Luvs Ya All,
-The StripperHerder
Seniority only gets you so far in this industry. Your perceived worth, much like sports stars, is much more important. Since I have opted to take a low earning niche position among my Floor Community (Bus Management Operative) to limit my contact with drunken shitholes, my value among the Floor Team is pretty low.
That being established, I have far more value to the club itself than to my fellow Floor Hosts. My qualities/skills I bring to the club which set me apart to my brethren include:
1) My advanced degree in Broom Theory which enables me to sweep up the detritus of nights gone by without being ordered to do so. The Guild of Floor Guys teaches it's adherents that sweeping is below one's station and should be handled by the Lesser Orders, such as Bar Backs, Waitresses and Management.
I have always been a heretic to this ideology.
2) I can cook my ass off. I have saved our kitchen from calls offs and walk outs at least a dozen times over the past year, frequently for a loss of pay and on my goddamn days off. I do this because our continuing policy of hiring car-less part time criminals leads to many a kitchen SNAFU's.
In fact I allowed myself to be talked into being a Kitchen Manager for about 2 weeks, because I am a fucking moron. Pesky work ethic and whatnot. Every seemingly normal, experienced hire I made turned out to be a shitcake degenerate, incapable of following through on even the gentlest of schedules.
After my first hire missed his third ever shift and called in arrested on his fifth and my second hire proved unable to handle criticism without getting all pouty and dickish, I fucking resigned. I'll do it myself.
3) I'm on time, all the time. Apparently this is a virtual Superpower in this industry and I am nearly uncontested in my mastery of it. (see below) #timemanagementblackbelt
4) I have quaint, institutionalized ideas about security and the safety of our employees. Things like not being walking targets in our parking lot and meeting potential threats with overwhelming force, just like da cops.
I've harped on the lax practices of our Floor Thugs before. This is the weakest cohesive team I've ever worked with security-wise and I hate to say it but our security needs a conduct class from some former Mossad operatives on how not to be future victims.
Classic example, one of our Floor Dudes was escorting a customer out of the club. The guy had been a choad-goblin to one of our dancers and then put his hands on her. The Floor Host in question made the cardinal fuck up of security folk everywhere.
He didn't call for backup, leaving himself one on one with the offending cuntdrip. Long story short, the dude sucker punched our solo Floor Man in the chin and opened him up. Didn't knock him out like the douchebag was hoping, but still made him bleed all over the place.
Now I'm not saying that wouldn't have happened if there would've been 2 or 3 or 4 Floor Trolls facing him, like there should've been, but I am saying that it would have been far less likely to happen and that the motherfucker would've paid for his mistake.
5) I am bigger than all of them. I'm not the toughest guy in the world, but when it comes to hefting drunks and carrying them bodily out of the club, I are very good at this.
Anal Craniotomys: Come Into The Light, Management
Our misManagement team has some problems dealing with several issues that plague our club. First and foremost among these are their inability to set any sort of precedent concerning discipline in the workplace. Just because the entire industry is filled with lazy drunks doesn't mean that you can't establish some minimal facade of professionalism.
Like being late. I was at work the other day and we had 2 Floor Slobs and 2 Waytrezzes scheduled to be on shift by 6:30. Of the four, I was the only one at work on time, the rest all showed up between 7:00 and 7:15. this meant that I had to do all of their jobs until they could be bothered to show up.
And then when the first Waytrezz showed up, she immediately headed to a back table and started working on homework. She didn't even check around and scout her area beforehand on the off chance there was something that fell under her job description that she should be doing instead of homework. There was a plate of half eaten pasta that had been sitting on a table since I walked in at 6:25 and it remained there until sometime around 8:00 when one of the Tray Sloths finally noticed it and brought it back to the dishwasher.
The tardiness factor here is, in my opinion, out of control. Getting to work on time, barring unforeseen circumstances, isn't like performing brain surgery. It shouldn't require meticulous planning or the right set of odd coincidences to come together at the right time. It is something that even marginally intelligent people should be able to pull off at least 4 times out of 5.
But if there's no repercussions at this job like there are in real world occupations, then there's no incentive to change. For instance, I used to work at a factory that had strict tardiness and attendance standards. If you were even a minute late without a pretty fucking great excuse, it counted against you. First time in a 6 month period got you a verbal warning, second got you a written warning and the third you were out on your laggard ass.
If those standards applied to my current work, there'd be coyotes roaming the deserted floor.
Another problem for our fearless leaders is some of our bar staff, who have no qualms about selling customers a bucket of 5 beers within 5 minutes of when, by state law, we have to pull their drinks out of their hand. We purposely do last call at 2:40, knowing state law says by 3 AM, all booze has to be off the floor and out of customers hands.
Author's Note: Many people operate under the assumption that if you purchased the drinks before the state deadline, then you are allowed to finish your drinks because they were bought before the cut off.
This is untrue, at least in the states I've worked in (4). If we can't sell it past a certain time, you fucking well can't have it on you past that time. If you're going to drink in another town and don't have a native guide, take a moment to brush up on their basic liquor laws-it can save you some disappointment/alcoholic rage later on.
I frequently get to hear customers bitching about this when I'm shuttling them to their hotels at the end of the night. Not two weeks ago I had these two dudes that were served a bucket of beer (5) at around 2:53. Now even assuming they were up to drinking two and a half beers each in 6 minutes, which I doubt, does that sound like something a conscientious bartender should do?
This leads to much strife as our Floor and Wait staff have to snatch drinks that never should've been sold in the first place. Some folk get kinda shitty and with good reason. Others are more laid back about it and with that in mind, I smell a list coming on.
Do's and Don'ts in a strip club that's getting ready to close:
DO: Actually try to listen to what the DJ is saying when bar close looms on the horizon. His words are usually laden with useful information at this time of night. Things like when you can purchase one last drink and how long you have to finish said drink before the staff has to remove all liquor and glassware from the club floor.
DON'T: Assume that you know the state's liquor laws unless you live here, and if you do, make sure you're right because we know them very well.
DO: Be respectful of those just doing their jobs. If it were up to me you'd be able to drink 24/7 and I could give a shit less whether you had a drink in your hand at closing or not. However this is not up to me, the powers that be have made rules and they enjoy fining clubs that don't comply.
DON'T: Firmly believe in your heart that it's OK to hang around after closing because you sorta know one of the dancers or waitresses. We don't give a fuck who you think you know, get out.
That's all I'm writing for now, screw the pictures. I have a Dark Lord's Journal post that needs attention too.
Luvs Ya All,
-The StripperHerder
