"Her track marks wove a seductive pattern amidst the garish red lights, intertwining sinuously with poorly rendered tattoos upon her loosely hanging, malnourished skin folds.
What a hot fucking slut."*
The above of course was written by some kind of deviant sociopath* who likes women to look like Miss Auschwitz 1941. The kind of girl where if she ate a single kidney bean you would immediately be able to tell. The kind of girl whose emaciated body is somehow able to metabolize alcohol at superhuman levels and who regularly drinks enough booze on a Tuesday night to kill 5 Russian sailors and a medium sized dog.
But wait, there's more.
Take that 70 lb dancer and ram 2 quart bags of silicone over her sparrowlike ribcage. Then reinforce her lower back with adamantium because there isn't a chance in hell this starving blond scarecrow will be able to stand up under her own power without her porous,child sized spine splintering.
We can make her Better. Sluttier. More listless.
We have the pharmocolgy...
This pic came up on pg. 2 when I searched 'Bionic Stripper'. Supply any amusement you thought to obtain from this caption from your own imagination.
And then there's Fluffy.
Fluffy is a waitress.
Fluffy is fluffy.
Fluffy's fluffy hair is fluffy.
Fluffy are not so smart.
Fluffy are very fragile.
Fluffy not so very motivated.
Widdle Fwuffy is easiwy confoozed then cries and quits.
Surprise! Fluffy's back!
Fluffy needs 18th smoke break of the night.
Fluffy sounds like Rod Stewart with tuberculosis.
The Official Soundtrack to 'Plight of the StripperHerder: The Movie'.
1) Rhianna "Umberella" (When I picture humanity as a whole dying off, this song is always in the background and suddenly extinction doesn't seem so bad)
2) Rhianna "Any Other Song She Has Done" (Seriously. Any other song. Judging from the frequency I have to hear this woman's music you would figure she's responsible for 75% of the Earth's musical output.)
3) Lady Gaga "Bad Romance"
4) Far East Movement "Like a G6" (Since I'm not a rich R&B star, I always assume they're referring to the Pontiac)*
5) LMFAO "I'm Sexy and I Know It" (Its easy to be a rock star when your Berry Gordy's son and have outrageous hair.)
6) Journey "Don't Stop Believin" (As long as lonely, monied middle aged men still frequent strip clubs, this song will never die)
7) Another Rhianna Song (Yup. Bitch is popular with the tittied)
8) Kesha "Random Song About Sucking Dick" (Pick one.)
9) Lady Gaga "Poker Face" (This song would play while some dancer didn't even change expression as she was banged from behind in a champagne room.)
10) Nicki Minaj "Super Bass" (This song would play while something ghetto was happening)
11) Any Disturbed Song. (What's the difference?)
12) Buckcherry "Crazy Bitch" (Because this song makes a statement of intent. 'Yes', it says, 'I fuck good enough to make God cry. But I will poison and destroy everything good in your life to the point you have to kill me or yourself to end the torment.')
13) Any Nickelback Song (I SO fucking hate you Canadian cocksuckers. I should've killed Chad back in '99 when I had the chance. Douche. Argh fuckitty fuck.*
The Top 5 Insults I've Used In The Last Year
5) "I do not accept your goat!"
4) "Do you play miniature golf?"
3) "I sense a disturbance in the Force!"*
2) "I've had hemorrhoids with more developed genitalia than you!"*
1) "I READ AT A TWELFTH GRADE LEVEL MOTHERFUCKER!"
I don't use asterisks correctly. I'm way too angry for proper punctuation. One must deal with it or give up hope on the motherfucking awesomeness that is my
Blogasaurus Rex.
May its bones confuse our descendents.
Derelictions,
-The StripperHerder
*Excerpt from the essay "What I did with my disposable income last Summer." By Ronald J. Fukinluzzer Jr.
*I had originally written 'sick fuck'. I try to upgrade now and then during editing, depends on how drunk I am at the time.**
**I'm only a third of a bottle of vodka in right now. Its early.
*In the off chance you haven't seen this yet, It is a great parody of this horrible fucking song. Its nerdriffic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54VJWHL2K3I
"I be hackin them all up.."
*I decided to write 'argh fuckitty fuck' instead of pounding my fists into the keyboard, howling and flinging my feces about in frustration at not being able to fully express through words how much I despise this band.
*You had to be there.
*I was drunk.
