More Stripper Codenames and Strip Club Acronyms Revealed and Explained

  There's too many dancers at my club to learn all their names. If they tip good then I will remember them. If they hand me $2 consistently, they'd best be prepared for me to ask them their name every time I walk em out because I'm not going to bother even trying to remember their cheap asses.

  Therefore codenames are big for me here. Most of these are just a way of communicating who I'm looking for/talking about to other Floor Beasts, we don't actually call the girls by their codenames.

  That would be uncharitable.



  Some call signs currently in use:





Skeletor- This gal is 2 years younger than Jesus and looks every minute of it.

                                                   Close up view of Skeletor's cheek.









Oompah-Wok: Picture the rape child of an Oompa-Loompah and an Ewok and you get the idea. Slap on a quarter inch of clownish makeup and things get creepier fast.

                                             Rare daylight sighting of an Ommpah-Wok









Sinead O'Connor-Smoking hot chick with awesome body who either decided she'd look better with hair like an MMA fighter, or who recently had chemotherapy. Lack of hair totally ruins it for me. Shame.

                                                    Look doesn't work for author.





Amy-Ever see that horrible movie 'Congo'? This girl resembles the ape in that movie who could talk using sign language. Actual dancer is far less intelligent.

          "Amy says you owe her $40, but she'd be willing to settle for 20 lbs of leaves mixed with some termites and grubs."






  


  Perma-Rag-If you go by what this crazy bitch says, you be forced to believe that she never stops menstruating. That she bleeds in perpetuity, yet somehow never dies. Every single time she's supposed to be nude, she says she just started her period. Although, between you and I, I'd wager she just doesn't care to expose her swollen, recently mauled pudenda.

  By my count (if she's telling the truth) she's dropped more eggs than a salmon.



  Brains-This is what's known as an ironic nickname. The girl in question is so whacked out on heavy drugs that she just kinda staggers around the club like a zombie seeking the green matter she needs to live.

                                   "Casssh...caasshh.............Or like some oxys maybe"




Dust Bunny-This girl is so dumb its tragic. But then God gave men penises and money so everything turned out all right.

                                              Dust Bunny-"I had more Camry last yesterday."
                                                          Me-"Do you mean your car broke down, hon?"
                                                          Dust Bunny-"That's a cow. New booties!"
                                                          Me-"Oh, you're getting new tires put on?"
                                                          Dust Bunny-"Easy Mac. I Goal Jews."








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Strip Club Acronyms: I tell you what they mean and then use them in a sentence.

FUBWABA: ('fubba-wubba') Fat, Ugly Bitch With A Bad Attitude*- Self Explanatory.

  "I just got bitched at by a Fubba-Wubba!"


BBD: Baby Battle Damage- Severe stretchmarks.

  "Her kid must of weighed 30 lbs or she had a litter cuz that bitch has some Bee Bee Dee."


DWBDW: Driving While Being A Dumb Whore/Drunk Whore (varies from state to state)- The stripper version of an DWI/OVI which is slightly less serious than when real people do it and much more entertaining for the police.

"She lost her license for 9 days because she got a DWBDW."


SO: Sockin Out- When a strippers less than firm boobs hang down while she's on all fours like 2 tube socks half filled with curds. This is synonymous with BWT, or Baby Wasted Titties.

  Us Floor Dicks used to nudge each other and say things like "Dude! Her tits are SO......", all enthusiastic like we were going to say "Dude! Her tits are so awesome!" or something to that effect. But just ending with 'SO'.

  It doesn't sound like much on paper, but dammit its all we had and we were glad to have it.


WAG: Wipe And Go- When a dancer makes a fast pit stop to ambush her hoo-ha with a baby wipe.


"Dude said your cooch was smelty. Better WAG that kitty."


DPN's: Dinner Plate Nipples- (Should really be DPA for Dinner Plate Areolas, but people are stupid.) When the colored area around a dancers nipple has room for a steak dinner with potato and veg.

"I could serve an array of pork products and sauerkraut on her enormous Dee Pee Ens."


SRF's: ('serfs')- Sheep, Ready to Fleece. Dudes with no looks, game, style or drugs but a few bucks to be blown before they leave disappointed. Also known as 'Peasants'.


"Do we have a table for 11 peasants? 11 filthy, unkempt serfs who crave a Lord's table without even a by your leave"?










And finally, not acronyms but still lots of fun,

Doppelskanker: (GER. meaning 'Double Skank) A stripper who looks amazingly like a different stripper.


"When I worked in Pittsburgh, I battled that bitch's Doppelskanker."


Rain Dance: A weird, erratic dance style some girls have that make them look like Rain Man with a botched tit job and Restless Leg Syndrome.


"I had to laugh every time that bitch did her Rain Dance."




I really think that's enough now, don't you?

-The StripperHerder*







*It doesn't match up perfect, but its damn fun to say.



*Synonyms for StripperHerder include:

  VomitMopper, DrunkWhisperer, ImpeccablyDressedJanitor and StubbornFuckwit

A Big List of Eff Youse,or, Its Your Birthday, Happy Go Fuck Yourself.

  1) The Albino Guy: Fuck You. I hope you get cornered and beaten by your nemesis, soft fluorescent lighting.

                               "Goddamn you to Hell Peter Cooper Hewitt! Damn. You. To. HELL!"*







2) The Girl(s) Who Shit All Over The Toilet Seats: Fuck You! Someday I would like to super glue you to the floor and use your face for a toilet for a week. Then you could clean up someone else's feces, or, just let it crust there. (which isn't an option for me)

                                               By anyone's definition, a classy move.






3) The Waitress or Drunk Customer Who Took A Dump In Our Storage Room: I have a DNA sample. I will find you and do horrible things to your floor and walls. Horrible things. Your home will smell worse than a ten foot heap of rotting animal dicks.
     
   You'll have to call a crime scene cleaning company because Handy Maids will simply say "Fuck You."

                                           Step 1: Hide dead moose behind couch.







  4) Sports FANATICS: Fuck You. Regular, normal sports fans, you're OK. But you Asshole fanatics, seriously, and I mean this, fuck you.

    Think about this. You experience the whole range of human emotion, from manic highs to soul-crushing lows, by watching muscular men run around and sometimes end up in piles all while wearing tight uniforms.

    You argue and get into fights with other douchebags who worship a different group of millionaires who don't give a fuck about them.

    So I reiterate, fuck you.

    Are you telling me that a fish could beat a man with a musket? I will punch you now, stranger who likes different athletes.






  5) Bachelorette Parties: Fuck you, you misbegotten train wrecks. Trust me when I say you're not cute. You're not being all buzzed and adorable, you're hammered and annoying.

    You didn't come to the club to see strippers, you came for the attention. "Drunk non-strippers in a titty bar? YEE-HA! Let me at em!" Every wasted moron in the place is watching you as well as the dancers. Its your night and you've chosen to be a vomit scented sideshow hurtling headlong into ruin and drama.

   Half of you don't even want to be there, particularly the orca-goblinlike perimeter guards, but one skank or another talked the Bride To Be into it or she wanted to go anyway and here you are.

                          I had a caption for this photo so appalling that even I decided it was going too far. 








6) The Shitfaced Girl Who Asked Me "Am I in a strip club?"

  "No hon, you're at Denny's. If you'll look to your right you'll see that tonight's special seems to be 'Moons Over My Clammy' or 'Butter-Cheese Chowder Stuffed Deluded Girl' ".

   Fuck you. Stupid bitch.

                                                           So cute.






7) The Sikh Who Wouldn't Take His Hat Off Because It Is Against His Religion: Really?

    Admittedly I know less than nothing about the Sikh faith. I care very little about extremely religious people of any creed with all the ridiculous symbology and rituals they adhere to. Whatever floats your boat.

    But all I know is that if by your religion its OK to to have your face buried in various strange girls poontangs, but its not OK to go bareheaded in public, then something got fucked up somewhere and you should reexamine the ancient texts.

    You've gotten it all messed up. Fuck you.

                             My head is properly shielded against naughtiness. Now spread it, bitch.

 



8) All The People Who Wanted A Table In A Full Club: You're willing to pay $9 for a drink but can't see your way fit to tossing me a 10 spot for squeezing your group in anyplace I could ask, cajole, plead or threaten you into? Is that seriously too much to ask?

    From now on lead with a twenty or fuck you, find your own.

                                                "Can you find me a table for thirty? For free."











  9) The Fake Churchbells Down The Street That Weren't There 3 Months Ago: A boom box and a P.A. system? Fuck you.

    It they were even real bells played by clockwork I would have no problem. That's Old Church and I could get behind it because a lot of work goes into something like that. But pushing 'Play'? 'Aggravatingly Loud Random Peal #4'?

   And why all of a sudden? Have you been praying for years for Jesus to enable you to buy an eight track player hooked up to a monstrous karoke machine and he finally came through?

   Hallefuckyouya.

                                                     "Hallowed be His name..."







  10) Random Birthday Cunts: I don't know you and therefore I couldn't care any less what day of the year you were spawned on. After dealing with some of you bastards I really wish your mothers' wombs would have reabsorbed all of you.*

                                                                Sweet.

 

 








*What? I didn't know either. Look it up.


*Picture too graphic for publication