In my industry there are what we know as 'Limo Buses' and there what I refer to as 'Prison Buses'. There is a large quality gap between these opposite ends of the mob transit spectrum
Limo Buses are everything you'd expect them to be. They are luxurious, expensive and sometimes contain wildly decadent extras such as stripper poles, hot tubs, marble countertops, a member of Motley Crue or maybe even a live Ewok; caged for your pleasure. Who the fuck knows all the secret crazy shit you can get if you throw enough money in the right hands in the right city?
It all depends on what you're willing to spend. And maybe who you know.
Prison Buses, on the other hand, are just refurbished and non air conditioned school buses (not kidding) that are slapped with a garish paint job and rented out to mobs of frothing plebians for a fraction of the cost of an actual Limo Bus. They have awesome features like hard, cramped seats, mostly working windows and all the ride comfort you remember from being bounced to school in one of them when you were a kid.
No class, no style and most definitely no fucking money. Prison buses are the worst, no one in the service industry wants to see one pulling up in front of their club. Might as well be some Mad Maxian War Bus armed with catapults that fire barrels of coral snakes and transsexual berserkers.
Fucking bleak.
I know I've never had much positive to say about Bachelor Parties in this blog and this is for many reasons. At best Bachelor Parties are a necessary evil and at worst they are nightmares staggering around on too many legs, spending too few dollars and barfing on everything. Small minded fecal accretions, mobile and plagued by halitosis, running about ruining other peoples' good times.
This may not describe every BC that comes through our doors, but it's close enough for Plight purposes. Consider it gospel. For all intents and purposes, Bachelor Parties are the enemy.
And that, dear readers, is all the fuck I'm gonna say about that.
The rest of this installment I'm going to do with even less regard for structure than I normally approach a post with, which is almost none.
I am going to do this just for grits and shins.
-The ongoing Cold War between Management factions has been heating up lately and while admittedly it's sort of interesting to watch the battle play out, you gotta take care not to get caught in the crossfire or draw attention to yourself in any way that may result in your village being shelled.
-A Management Civil War can get real ugly, folks. The wise remain neutral and avoid committing to one side or another for as long as possible.*1 They huddle in the ruins of their job security and pray that the superpowers nuke each other out of existence and make way for a new tomorrow.
A tomorrow where maybe sane stuff could happen one day and there's a lot less yelling.
-I had to field a call from a wealthy idiot the other day because my MisManager was busy doing something else*2 and he used his Dread Management Powers to Displace Responsibility Unto Others, namely me.
I pretended to be a Manager when I spoke to him. I asked hard hitting questions. I informed him that he needed to request a receipt history from his card provider and that he will see that he signed everything and even more than that we have him signing every receipt on camera.
He just gets too drunk to remember. That's what we have our legal teams for. Elite ninja-dick lawyers capable of extreme sorrow and town-burning; all sorts of connected.
That is all for you and it is more than you deserve, loyal followers.
No I'm just kidding. Spread the 'Herder like Herdpes.
LLV*3
This is all I have for you. Your hate feeds me chili dogs.
-The StripperHerder
*1 I have now been approached by both of the major factions waging the Great Slap-Bitch War of Attrition, 2015-? I have implied to both, without committing resources, that I am fully on their side; tally-ho, smite yer foe and whatnot.
I lied to them both.
I am a third party supporter.
*2 Something so integral to societal cohesion and cultural integration that he couldn't be bothered to speak to a customer complaining of $33,000 worth of charges from the month of April alone stemming from our club.**
**The Customer is Wrong. In this case.
*3 LLV: Laughing Like Viking. Raucous and without concern.
