of stripperherding will be able to determine that this picture depicts a roll-call
on a friday or saturday night because the dancers are all in gowns and appear
to have club merchandise to sell.
Religion is a really touchy subject with many folk, especially when you're mocking it because of its obvious irrationality and innate silliness. As in 'my scientifically improvable avatar/rock will, on average, answer slightly less/more prayers than your weak, wool-based God.'
That being said, never underestimate the power of a wool based religion in a world of frequent rain...
Disclaimer aside, it doesn't take a very high Wisdom score for the average human being to realize that, even translated into 128 languages, Christianity turns out to be nothing more than plagarized hearth-tales from a vast array of older cultures. It's not very original nor inventive, but hey, it's got some great rape scenes.
I don't begrudge anyone their faith nor their ability to worship that faith in any way they see fit, with the following provisos:
1) Don't blow anything up because someone else said God told you to.
2) Don't knock on my door in an attempt to foist your beliefs on me.
3) It's never OK to kill another person because they are a sinner according to your dogma.
4) Don't mail me stuff about your religion.
5) Never make comic books about your religion.
6) Don't do breaded fish at your Friday fish-frys, batter dip those fish carcasses. Breading is for heretics and satanists while a great beer batter is fucking pious.
That's literally all I ask of anyone's religious views. I'm fairly forgiving about moral beliefs because they give me something to mock when I'm drunk or at any other time for that matter. And while I'm fundamentally accepting of anyone's beliefs, I'm still insensitive about their feelings concerning them. I think about faith in the same context I think about words; they only have the power we choose to give them.
Which, sadly, is a whole hell of a lot when it should be virtually nothing.
"The atrocities perpetrated in the name of religion will always outweigh its merits."
-Samuel T. Fookerson*1
The Stripperherder Apocrypha contains various bits that have been edited out of all the major religious texts over the last 2-5000 years. All significant cultures of recorded history have their tales of dancers and strippers and conniving ho's, they just don't like to talk about them or admit that they had any bearing on historical doctrine.
The Book of Jasmine is a well known collection of verses written by a particularly petulant cunt who lived a long time ago.
Excerpts from The Book of Jasmine. Translated by Father Yuwin De Taterhurl, c.779AD
Jasmine 1:7 "Hand bags are fucking sweet. I will eagerly watch gravy-dipped children fight various ravenous beasts if only a Fashion Priest will make me a uselessly small clutch from the scraps of brat skin he's able to salvage from the arena sands."
Jasmine 3:18 "Mine chariot has gold inlay, iron spiked 23" rims, and a three-pony power engine. It is painted an off shade of lilac because I think it's pretty and mine Priests tell me it's an easy dye to make from the spleens of nonbelievers."
Jasmine 3:21 "Whoa there Tentacle-Boy, keep yine suckers off thine musky secrets! Unless ye've paid for a champagne room, ye'll not be using me like a sun warmed melon. The very nerve of ye!"
Jasmine 4:6 "That asshole owes me $600, Floor Slave! Oh how I danced for him! Fetch it for me foul brute and ye shall receive a shiny tupenny coin for yine efforts!"
Jasmine 4:16 "I love gladiators. The scent of sweat and death really gets thine quince a-squishy."
Jasmine 4:23 "Fear not the Manager's wroth my Titty-Sistren, for their words may seem sharp and deadly but at the end of the day have no more power than a sandal mite. Asses like ours do not grow on trees as olives do."
As you may have guessed, Jasmine was a bitch.
Yanci of Gethsemane, stripper/occasional prostitute
Jasmine The Ahohite, stripper/liked small purses made from kid meat
Raven of Joppa, prostitute/occasional stripper
Delilah, stripper/cosmetology student
In Other News....
We are hag ridden.
-The trend of firing problem dancers which had lit such hope in my shriveled little heart, has seemingly been reversed, the flame extinguished with tawdry spike heels. The return of SkeevaTron was followed shortly thereafter by the sudden reappearance of Elsie the Sex Cow and I fear it may only be the tip of the iceberg. I literally fear the future now. Why not hire back Vodzilla or Stubblegut or Scabby the Thunderho too? Hell, let's comb the alleys and crackhouses for new talent while we're at it, can't be any worse than hiring back these wretched bog-crones.
-The kitchen at the club continues to be an ongoing nightmare of shoddy skills and nonexistent work ethic, punctuated by a monthly collapse and scrabble for new cooks. It's become such a joke that I personally don't think it can be fixed short of a firing squad, some vat grown cooks programmed to obey or a significant wage increase to try to lure some worthwhile talent in. Unfortunately the first option is illegal, the second is science fiction and the third is fantasy.
I've tried to help but am fresh out of answers and fucks to give. Deal me out please.
And there ya go my patient Herder'heads. I lob some meat into the clearing and retreat in my fully restored Tiger II tank which has been modified to run on the tears and shattered dreams of strippers.
Your servant as always,
-The StripperHerder
*1 A guy I just made up who was really wise and had deeply felt humanitarian views.
