I got into it with Vodzilla the other night. She'd been her usual liquor-vampire self and was draining the life out of a bottle these 3 guys had shelled out $300 for. They didn't want her at their table, they were not amused by her booze siphoning and they were thinking clearly enough to realize she's a fucking skag.
Finally one guy gets up and uses the pretense of going to the men's room to earnestly plead with me to make her evil go away. He hands me a $20 bill and I told him he ain't got no problem, I'm on the motherfucker.
So I go to the DJ booth and have him call Vodzilla to the booth. When she staggers up there I tell her that the gentlemen don't really want her at the table and could she take her worthless, festering carcass somewhere else.
Pretty fucking please, with sugar on top.
She starts motherfucking me or course, saying that I'm lying and that they liked her and wanted her to be at their table. I showed her the twenty and said no, they don't want her at the table and they were desperate enough to tip me to make her leave them alone. I said the only things that wanted her to be at that table were the bottle because vodka just wants to be drank, and her liver which just wants to die already and get it over with.
She starts heading over to the table to give them a piece of her mind, however small that may have been and I was like "where you goin bitch?" She tried to stalk past me but I was having none of her wasted bullshit tonight. I grabbed her upper arm and pressed my thumb into the place between her bone and where her bicep should've been.
Try this at home. It fucking hurts.
She shrieked at me and tried to claw at my eyes which didn't work out for her either. So I had to spin her around and bodily lift her, kicking and screaming and carry her off the floor. I honestly wanted to crush her in a bear hug until her alcohol weakened skeleton splintered and her poop mouth was silenced by lack of air, but I didn't and this is important.
"With great power comes great responsibility. Don't kill a bitch."
I remembered my Uncle Ben's words and merely squeezed until she had to struggle to breathe, thus making her Absolut-chute quiet and removing her from the situation.
Had this been a Japanese monster movie I'm sure she would've found a way of defeating me. Possibly by blowing a cloud of booze fumes onto me that get ignited by a strobe light, or knocking me down with an atomic pulse of Negative Bitch Energy.*1
But unfortunately for her this was what passes for reality and she fucking lost. MechaFloorGuy prevailed, mowwa-faka.
Most of the unfavorable comments, emails and opinions I receive are based on the theme of me being intrinsically unlikable, which I don't disagree with. I am a pretty angry guy, always have been. I'm not always (usually) in the right and I realize this even as I accept it and run with it.
I'm generally polite in public because that's how I was raised to be, yet I have a tremendous temper and have to constantly struggle to keep it in check lest I perpetrate some small atrocity on someone undeserving.
So this blog is way for me to release the pent up rage without anyone getting hurt and, judging by my loyal fan base, to amuse others as I do so.
Therefore while I'm not defending my attitude, nor would I call it justified, I will say it possibly has become necessary for me at this point to write this blog and that I'm going to continue writing it even if no one is reading. So fucking cathartic...
I would like, however to give you a sample of what the blog would look like if I tried to write about the good parts of the job, of which there are many.
Here goes...
Golly, tonight sure was swell! The gals were in top form and our customer base was A-one and snappy dressers! Sometimes I thought that maybe a gas explosion had killed us all instantly and we were in Heaven it was so good!
LOL! Just kidding! Death would totally suck!
Ermagerd the girls were so on their game tonight! Not a single one threw up, smacked another entertainer, ripped off a customer or was on drugs! Not like at that other place of Which We Shall Not Speak.
Us Floor Wonders made a million dollars apiece and were treated with respect and reverence! It was like being a hybrid of an elephant and a lion, LEWLZ!
Gee-Willikers it sure was awesome! I have the best job in the world! If only my parents could see me now they'd say we're proud of our slutprodding son!
Yay,
-The StripperHerder
So that would suck, wouldn't it? Be happy I'm an angry prick and if it's not your cup of negativi-tea, don't read it. It's OK.
Nachos Bellgrande,
-The StripperHerder
*1 Negative Bitch Energy: (also see; Cunt Chi, VagSerker, Minge-a Training) The spiritual force a certified Twat can release like a fucking Yu-Gi-Oh attack.
