OK, here's another thing I'll never understand. Why is it that kids today believe that if you get into a verbal confrontation with someone, whoever stops running their mouth first loses?* They just physically can't shut up and ignore the other person, thus ending the whole situation.
In my experience people who really want to fight just start swinging, they don't stand there screaming at the top of their lungs. I had the misfortune of being the guy who had to go into the dressing room again tonight because 2 strippers were squealing at each other like 2 sodomized piglets.
One is tall, skinny and on enough coke to kill 5 fat comedians. She's scabrous, dumb as a pile of beaver scat and really gross. The other is even less savory and chunky as fuck. When they stand next to each other they look like the number 10 with a skin condition after it got raped while wearing clown makeup.
Again, it was a perfect Thunderdome moment. I wish we could've strapped em in, attached some rotary sanders to the top of the 'Dome and let em go at it.
Two skanks enter. One skank leaves. That is the rule.
This is what pistol crossbows are made for.
In other news I'm going to write this next segment specifically for those people out there who enjoy cramming themselves into an overcrowded club to listen to white guy reggae, wait for a beer longer than it takes to actually drink the beer and having to stand in line to use a filthy restroom.
Ready?
Moo, moo moo moo-moo mooh. Baahhh. Bahhh-bah-bah baah. Moo-bah. Grr, moo-moooo-moo. Moo!
Baahhh-moo-bahhh bah baahhhh. Moo!
There. I just told you to go fuck yourself in your native language. Have a nice day you pathetic herd members.
And while I'm thinking about it, if you traveling from another state and you happen to be a smoker and you walk into a bar that doesn't reek like cigarette smoke, its a reasonable assumption that you're not allowed to smoke in that bar. Its not a difficult leap of intuition to make. No smoke smell=no smoking in bar.
But please, inform me of your astonishment that we don't allow smoking in our club. I will wave my magic Floor Guy wand (penis) and make smoking legal in our great state's liquor establishments again. Express to me your disbelief, I'll call my high ranking gubbamint friends and take care of your dilemma right away!
Or better yet, why don't you go back to whatever fucking state it is you're from and smoke yourself dead. That would be best for everyone.
This is why I work in the service industry for less than minimum wage, because I'm secretly all powerful, uber-connected and enjoy making silly assholes' trivial problems go away.
I don't need the money, I'm just a people person.
*I blame MTV.
