We have some fucked up bitches at work. No really, I mean that. I know the stereotype of a well adjusted, totally non molested, focused and driven exotic dancer is what we all see when we skip on out to a strip club, but behind the scenes there are some seriously damaged broads slinging titty where I earn my living.
And now I'm going to talk about them.
Then I might hit you with some more Stripper Statistics*.
Fucked up bitch #1) I'll call her Hiroshima because she's like a Japanese town that looked up and said "I think something just fell off that plane." Far beyond trainwreck.
This girl will also buy ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING that has Hello Kitty on it. Everything I have seen that she owns has Hello Kitty on it. She is freakishly amused by a line drawing of a cat with a bow in its fur. She drags around 17 bags and suitcases all emblazoned with HK logo. The bags outweigh her by a factor of at least 3 and her outfits can't be much larger than Barbie clothes, so what the hell is in all those bags?
If they made a Hello Kitty car she would buy one even though she (thankfully) doesn't drive. If she were to pilot a vehicle all oncoming traffic would be able to see is 2 tiny hands encrusted with Hello Kitty rings and a platinum blond wig in the same style as David Bowie's from Labyrinth poking up over the steering wheel. Then, like most female Asian drivers, she'd just have to guess what's going on in front of her and pray for luck.
The rumor is that she's something like 48 years old, but since she still looks, acts and drinks like a 5 year old, everyone just assumes she's a creepy looking teenager whose partially deaf and weighs less than a bag of groceries.
Fucked up bitch #2) I'll refer to this one as SPORT, which is short for Stupid Puerto Overweight Rican Thief. I sincerely and deeply hate this braying snizz. She's not a bitch on wheels. She's a cunt on tank treads.
This girl personifies everything I hate about strippers, my job and society in general. She is distilled and concentrated primordial evil, from beyond the Dawna Time. Someday her actions will write checks her cranial structure can't handle and she'll be found somewhere unsavory, bludgeoned messily into a plaid couch with 4 cats and an abandoned child eating her remains.
I can only pray that I'll still be alive that day and able to put a vodka bottle to my lips. Even if I'm in a nursing home/sanatarium/government facility, I will party.
I realize that this is bad karma for me. But I also feel that I've been shortchanged sometimes in the 'Good' column and that maybe Karma is holding the good stuff up as sort of a debit card system which means I just made a small withdrawal.
What makes her so hateable you ask? Its hard to convey with mere words. All I can offer you are small slices of the overall bitch brisket. Little glimpses into the standard operating protocals of a goddamn bitch.
-She's a classic "I'll get you thrown out by security because you didn't buy a dance from me" girl.
-She popped her drunk ass into the kitchen one night and asked if there was "anything she could take a bite outta?"
-She was hammered as usual one night and walked down a row of tables pointing at customers and saying "fuck you and fuck you and fuck you and fuck you....."
-She's also a classic drunk targeter. She'll drink some poor sod under the table and rifle his pockets while she's dancing. The she claims she did triple the amount of dances and has the bouncers get the money for her.*
-She steals unguarded cell phones from tables. Shit, unguarded anything.
I would also like to just give a quick salute to guys who knowingly fuck their coworkers over. Grow a pair of balls instead of shoving small customers around like a tough guy. Calling off work when the team is already down a guy is total bullshit.
Way to fucking go.
-The StripperHerder
*I said 'might'.
*Until we stopped paying any attention to her or helping her in any way. She's been less overt now that she knows she's on her own.
