Building upon the foundation laid down in my last post, I'd like to expand on why we need to fire several problem strippers while we have the opportunity to do so. We're already starting to lose some of the newer dancers we've acquired over the past few weeks because with our 'talent' corps so well stocked, there just isn't enough money to go around.
So firing some of our more mediocre-to-nasty entertainers has never been more feasible, yet pressure from the top keeps the managers hands seemingly tied. The Owner feels that the more dancers, the better and he is right. However if your club isn't supporting the girls as strippers, then the new ones aren't going to stay, and the increasingly desperate ones will quickly revert to prostitution.
Neither of these situations is good for the club and at times I feel great pity for the General Manager because he is caught between the reality of the job, and the fantasy world the Owner lives in where insanely hot strippers grow on trees, drugs don't exist and strippers love working for free.
The stress for him must be enormous, because unlike a lot of other mismanagers I've worked for, my current GM actually cares about people's well being (for the most part), understands the balance that must be struck between filthiness and legality and strives to stay on the right side of it.
In addition to this, the factor of stripper work ethics come into play. Most of the girls I list below haven't been fired yet because they actually show up to work most of the time. Sure it may be five hours late and they may very well be wasted, but by golly they usually come in when the boss calls them, even on their days off.
As a result they are shown incredible mercy in regards to house fees and fines, mercy a lot of the average strippers take exception to and with good cause. Dancers getting away with whatever they want undermines a Managers authority and makes it impossible for Floor Guys to control the crazy bitches with any degree of success.
My opinion on the whole matter is to fire a few of the loopier twats and give some of the advantages shown them to some select new girls and see how they pan out. It's kinda like a football draft, you get 5 or 6 new players and you hope one or two turns out to be a star.
So, in no real order to speak of, here are five dizzy snizzes who need to be pink slipped (with a free bonus snizz thrown in for good measure. Your welcome, thank you for your support.)
1) Spuzzpuddle- SO ghetto. To be this ghetto you have to work at it. This girl is so hood I could barely understand her in the few times I was unable to avoid her and was forced to interact with her. It sounds as if she might have a 3rd grade education at best and it doesn't seem to bother her in the slightest. Now I've worked with plenty of girls who talk like street rats when they're in the dressing room and away from customers, but most of them are able to turn it off and pass themselves off as decent , mildly educated human beings when the situation demands it. Like when they're trying to make money off a customer and don't want to frighten him with the feeling he may be robbed at any time.
That being said, Spuzzpuddle either is incapable of this, or just doesn't give a shit. She's the queen of the double negative, which makes one sound like a complete fucking idiot, as demonstrated in the following sentences:
"I'm not a whore."-Regular, semi believable person.
"I ain't no hooker." -Iffy, probably stupid human. Most likely lying.
"I ain't not no fakkin ho." -Super classy, well educated. Spuzzpuddle-riffic.
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To give you some insight into her decision making process, Spuzzy has a child by a guy who also fathered a child with her Mother. Which makes her Mother's child, (her half sister) her cousin or aunt or something, I think.
It's all very complicated and it makes my brain hurt to think about it. Plus, I don't care. The service industry has worn down my ability to feel empathy toward the vast majority of mankind.*1
Luckily for me this girl is a Day Shift dancer and any regular readers of this blog will know exactly what that means. Urgh. She just cheapens the entire club by being in it.*2
2) Chewbitcha- Statuesque? Possibly not. That's a word used to describe taller girls and generally brings to mind valkyries, but doesn't necessarily apply to a scary looking dancer capable of throwing a Kia Soul around when she gets angry.
This girl terrifies the average human male. She's easily 6 foot tall and an honest to god 200 lbs of pole climbing muscle. The thought of fighting her or having to try to subdue her if she ever goes all rottweiler on another dancer makes me a bit nervous. It would be like facing a combine harvester with a thong stretched over it and overfilled, distressed titties swaying about unpredictably, fit to knock a man senseless.
Sometimes us Floor Sponges can face great danger.
Her immaculately painted nails are about 5 inches long, presumably made of some sort of polycarbon fiber and are attached to arms longer than mine. Like Edward Scissorhands but more outspoken, far angrier and armed with an enormous ass, a gutful of Patron and a total disregard for human disfigurement.
She's put on a lot of weight since I started at the club and seeing how she has roughly the same frame as me, the results have been.....unfortunate. She used to make a few bucks off guys who like to fantasize about spawning a Master Race of giants, but even that crowd has tapered off in the face of her growing problems with gravity and it's devastating effects.
She generally just mopes about the club with her default frown further deepening her fright factor, or lays around on a couch glaring at other dancers; a powder keg waiting to explode in stripper maiming fury.
Man, I hope I'm not working that day.
She is also one of those girls who doesn't understand the whole business of Strippernomics, i.e. tipping your Floor Guy can lead to wonderful new cash earning opportunities and save you money on various other aspects of the job as well. We could easily fit her into a champagne room or two, but the last time we did that and she promised to tip us, she didn't.
So now she can dance to the light of her burning bridge and go fuck herself.
3) Monaco- What an utterly worthless piece of subhuman garbage. She's on enough drugs to kill three Corey Haims, drunk before she even comes into work, regularly does stuff right out in the open which would get the club fined or closed and the worst sin of all, she doesn't tip. Ever. Why she's still working here is beyond me...
However there's hope. We suspect she tried to steal some guy's wallet last night and once the manager, Sir Cruikshank Accomodato Furhergold VIII reviews that camera footage and busts her hiding the wallet under a couch, an end to her evil may be in sight. In fact it is assured. The customer in question just got done spending almost 10K at the club and has done so for a couple of weeks in a row. The thought of losing him because of a loathsome, conniving bitch like her, fills me with rage and my Manager with an apocalyptic fury which man has seldom seen.
He's gonna gut that bitch an Atlantic Salmon, metaphorically speaking.
I'm not ashamed to admit that the thought of her tears arouse me. So......watery and stuff.
I've mentioned Monaco before. In fact she's the one who asked me how she looked in that fishnet body stocking that I referred to here in question #2:
http://plightofthestripperherder.blogspot.com/2014/04/the-floor-guy-diplomacy-quiz-or-another.html
StripperHerder Update!
It seems, since I wrote the stuff about Monaco, that she was framed. Upon review of the camera footage, Sir Cruikshank discovered it was actually another dancer, Biffany, who in reality took the wallet and hid it in a room for future perusal, a room which Monaco shortly thereafter occupied.
Unfortunately for everyone involved, the whale that's been frequenting the club lately seems to have a thing for Biffany and as a result, it was all chalked up to a misunderstanding and no firing occurred. In fact she has become bulletproof due to her patron's support, and it will all go badly eventually. For the club and Floor Guys anyway. Probably for the whale too.
Which is a real shame because....
4) Biffany- The update I just gave you should give you some insight as to how fucking stupid Biffany is. She has a guy who's come in once or twice a week for the past 7 weeks and given her something like $15,000 over that time frame. But she's so drunk and greedy that she's willing to risk it all for the chump change this guy might have in his wallet.
This man has a fucking black card for Christ's sake, he doesn't need cash. He can buy an island with his card and afford to relocate it's native population to a neighboring island.
My mind is officially boggled.
It's not like she's even hot outside of a downtrodden trailer park setting.
4 1/2) Vodzilla- Apparently my ancient foe, Vodzilla (Walking Liver, Vod Dracul, The Vod Squad) has obtained a job somewhere else in a field that is not stripping. Therefore she's only going to be making occasional appearances at the club, you know, for booze money.
God help that industry. I believe it is in the home health care field thus adding a brand new terror to old age.
I fear this is only a temporary reprieve because as soon as she realizes that in the real world you get fired when you come into work drunk, or are caught drinking on the job, she'll come crawling back to the club full time. Back to a world where she may not flourish, but can get completely wasted, let her cunt flag fly and still make enough money to buy more alcohol for her next day off.
I mention her only as a tribute to our historic conflict. In an odd, self loathing way I'll almost miss her while I wait for a new arch nemesis to emerge.
Which brings me to:
5) Narcolette- Good ole Narky used to work at our club several months back. She was just a standard pigheaded, stingy stripper Mk 1; good looks somewhat tarnished by excessive poorly thought out and executed tattoos. But then she started getting into the heavier drugs like percocets, moly and oxy and then thought "I should drink more tequila when I eat pills."
So she went from merely unpleasant to deal with to fucking impossible. She did what ever the hell she wanted and got away with it. She started demanding that the club's shuttle bus take her to and from work, and which lucky Floor Guy usually got saddled with the privilege of her company do you suppose? If you guessed the author of this blog you would be correct oh Astute One.
She only lives two and half miles away. At best, tip included, a $5 cab ride. Five goddamn measly dollars. Yet it was too much for Narky. Then, (you'll love this) she started demanding that we pick her up in our own vehicles because she didn't want the neighbors to realize she was a stripper.
I bet they would've never guessed.
So one day during an otherwise unremarkable weekday night, our local Vice Squad quietly enters the club and one of them makes a beeline for the private dance rooms and lo and behold, Narcoletta has her right tit in a guys mouth and he has, surely by mistake, wedged his finger up her anus and was waggling it about enthusiastically.
Wham. Club is nailed with a $7500 fine, and Narcoletta is toast. Floor Men everywhere rejoice. It went something like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siG9PqvHg4s
But then, for reasons known only to them, The Elders (i.e. Dynamic Management Team, Go™!) concluded that hiring Narcoletta back was a sound business decision and could only bring prosperity and super-extra-happy glamour to the club.
There's even rumors that a splinter faction within Dynamic Management Team, Go™ believe that she may actually be the Chosen One who will herald in another Golden Age Of Stripping, as foretold in the Prophecies.
I don't believe that at all. She is the harbinger of No-Good-Can-Come-Of-Thisness.
What the fuck were they thinking? We are not, I repeat, not at all hurting for dancers right now. There's no logical reason for her to be hired back unless she's fucking somebody important. Only plausible explanation, period.
What an asshole.
Keep on Herdin'
-The StripperHerder
*1 Thank God.
*2 Since I originally wrote this Spuzzpuddle has been fired by a Manager with some goddamn balls, Sir Godfrey Mace'abitch Slutslayer IV, defender of wholesomeness as it pertains to titty huts.**
**Long live Sir Godfrey. HuzzahX3!
*3 Despite her hatchet-like nose and small, vaguely mantid appearing skull, Miss Double Wide 2005 is pretty hot. Tall, pale and not tattooed like a bridge support in the projects. And her tits are patriotic, hell yeah.
