Ya know, I have at least 3 drafts for installments that are anywhere from half finished to mostly finished*1 and I've been having a rough time lately trying to get them completed. Therefore I decided to go with an intermediate post dealing with some of the facets of my life which are by no means interesting or noteworthy, yet are all I have goddamnit.
"Have you stopped drinking or something insane like that?" you ask. Hell no and damn you for a scallywag for even thinking it. If anything I'm drinking more frequently, but less heavily so I figure it all equals out in the end and my liver totally agrees and is even encouraging me.
At this point in time, my liver and I are working towards a Triple Dog Dare and at that point one of us will win and the other will cry uncle.*2
That being said, I consider myself to be, on a general sort of 1-to-10 Happiness Scale, at least a 7 leaning toward an 8. I'll bet many of my regular readers will be surprised to hear me state that. Many of you probably figured my curmudgeonly ass would never admit to anything over a 5, but as I've stated before I am a creature of simple means.
I am dry when it's wet out, cool when it's hot. I am warm when it's cold out and have access to unlimited porn. I am left to my own devices when I'm not at work, there's beer and stuff and I have incredibly few demands on my time outside of my job.*3
The freedom to do absolutely nothing is high on my list of Happiness criteria. Outside of a few limited situations, I'm not a social animal. I'm not quite a agora/xenophobe, but when given the choice I'd rather be far away from humanity in general rather than stuck in it's stinking loins 5 days a week.
It's probably the effect of 20 something years in the service industry. These occupations breed misanthropes like a medieval whore bred crabs. Better people than me have been broken by this ruthless trade, it will truly make you hate mankind if you're a 'glass half empty' sorta person.
It's not for the timid or weak. It is a Wrecking Coast for the soul.
So beyond the freedom to be a lazy fucking piece of shit if I choose to be, there isn't much that I really desire.
The only things I covet are a few acres of wooded land, a dog or three and not to have to worry about fucking money. I hate worrying about money. All these thing would be nice, but are not essential to my overall sense of well being.
Don't get me wrong, it would be sweet to have a giant house, a classic Mopar in the garage and a shooting range in my backyard. It would be fucking fantastic to visit Ireland, Scotland and Scandinavia and get drunk there while trying not to embarrass America. But I don't need those things to be content with my life. They would be great icing on an otherwise acceptable cake but even without them I have things better than probably 70-80% of the population of Earth. And that ain't bad all things considered.
I am relieved to find that I don't desire a large house, sweet ass furniture, a 687' HD TV, a German sedan nor even basic amenities beyond indoor plumbing and air conditioning.*4. Hell, even indoor plumbing I can do without if I have to. It would mean risking some 'accidents' after a night of drinking as my body randomly ejects hot liquid remorse with little to no warning, but I could live with it. I could change my underwear.
I suppose this installment is just my way of establishing the fact that the voice I usually write this blog in is, in fact, a facade colored by the minor frustrations and lack of fulfillment my occupation provides me. I actually do know people who love their jobs and couldn't picture doing anything else for a living and I remember a time when I counted myself among their number.
But, as is frequently the case after the glow wears off, my job is just a job. My life is just a life and truth be told, I enjoy them both.
Happy Ruminations,
-The StripperHerder
*1 Meaning I only need to add in some horrible pictures with abrasive captions and a highly amusing sign-off. Possibly some editing.
*2 Or die. Either way both of us could claim victory depending on your point of view.
*3 I consider this to be essential to true happiness. Sometimes you just want to lay around in your underwear reeking of pizza as you watch an entire season of Vikings and then go to bed. Constraints upon my time that don't allow me this option impede my notion of happiness.
And/Or I HATE having obligations outside of family and friends.
*4 Without air conditioning there is only chaos.
