I believe I've alluded to the fact that most of my great nights in this industry, money-wise, were all slow nights where some high rolling generous tipper comes into the club and spends stupid amounts of money. Not where we're slammed and packed and everyone's a cunt.
Tonight was such a treasured slow night.
And thank fucking God.
Us Floor Scum walked with almost $1400 each tonight, on a night where I projected my earnings at maybe $100-150, based on the room and its inhabitants. This makes my Top Ten list of best nights ever, and as usual, it came out of left field.
One man. One man can make a difference..
One guy made our night, as is the formula for all the best nights in my career. This guy bought 4 one hour rooms back to back and tipped $1000 on each room. We started the night with four Floor Grunts, but Joker went home early due to illness, which mean that we only had to split all that money three ways instead of four. Had Joker been there we still would've still made over a grand each, but since he left, we fucking BANKED.
As a result, I made about $169 an hour tonight. Couldn't be happier.
And to think I was considering calling off tonight....
I suppose this means that the dark cloud of fuckiness that used to hang over my head is now gone and that I can confidently call off a shift and not be worried that if I would've stayed I'd a made $1000.
That particular torch has been passed it would seem to Floor Guy Codename:Strider.
And that is an enormous weight off my shoulders: I hope the curse has been lifted......
CURSED STRIPPER NAMES
Of the 62 approved stripper names in the titty dancer lexicon, several bear a heavy curse. This can be the only conclusion when every single one of the dancers I've worked with who has chosen one of these names turns out to be a giant pat of staggering thong-butter.
Nothing else makes sense.
That being said, there are stripper stage-names so common that it's impossible to draw a conclusion because I've worked with so goddamn many of them that there were bound, by simple math, to be good ones and bad ones. These stripper names include: Bitttney, Amber, Tiffany, Alexis, Crystal, Angel, and Paradox.
But some gals choose names that carry a curse it would seem. Maybe they're decent strippers before they opt to take one of these accursed handles, but afterwards, they're garbage.
So you can be aware, respected reader, here's a list of CURSED STRIPPER NAMES. Never get a dance from one of them or somehow you'll owe them two hundred dollars for virtually nothing.
1) Brooklyn- In my experience that has never been a dancer named "Brooklyn" that was anything other than an animated piece of trash with tits. If a stripper by this name ever approaches you for a dance, just tell her that you're a broke, meth-head who has AIDS but would like to talk to her about Jesus and see how fast she goes away.
2) Jetta- You named yourself after a Volkswagen. Nice job. I've worked with three twats in my career named 'Jetta' and they were all conniving thieves with a nasty drug habit.
3) McKenzie- Says 'I'm slightly more imaginative than you standard gutter-dwelling thong-snipe, yet I still live in a world of delusion and imminent regret.' Every chick I've worked with named McKenzie has been a dull, haggard and alcoholic white bitch living in a world of fantasy.
Except one. She's cool.
4) Lexus- Fluff. Innane. Meaningless. Attractive only through cosmetics and plastic surgery. ALWAYS has fake tits, if that's your thing.
5) Kat- Every single stripper named "Kat" or "Cat" or "Kayatt" or any other spelling that is pronounced c-a-t, is a junkie. They would pimp their own offspring for an armful of junk and won't even remember doing it. They're not bad people, they're just junkies. It's not their fault.
Nothing is ever anyone's fault anymore. Remember that.
6) Girls named after Texas towns: Dallas, Houston, Austin, Amarillo, Pecos. Nine times out of ten they're a bad night waiting to happen. Stick with dancers named after trees or random flora. Generally much easier to deal with and way less likely to scam you.
Tanks for reedin,
-Da StripperHerder
